The Dark Mistress

[Calix]

The 23rd of the 1st moon, I received a book that I felt should be shared. As I cannot attest to the books validity, so I shall post it here, instead of the Chronicler's board.


The Dark Mistress

A true tale by
Namida Elswyth

Where to begin such a tale, of curses and manipulation, of light being killed by darkness for a purpose. Or was there a purpose? What was Ansuz’s purpose by cursing me with his defiled blood and take control over my mind?

Where to begin a tale that includes the darkest sides of what humans are capable of doing. Of the worst that can happen to a person. Of deeds that should not be done, of pain and hate, of hurting loved ones, of betraying trust, of loosing a battle to a vile person with a vile and cruel mind.

But please read on, read the tale I have to tell, and judge me after you have read it. Perhaps it sheds light upon things, perhaps it explains, perhaps it does not matter.

All I can do is to try to write down what happened, to tell what I felt and experienced. Perhaps others then can find out what it all was. Figure out If there was a curse, how he entered my mind and dreams, why he did all he did.

I do not claim to understand it fully, but I hope my mind will become clearer with this book. That I will begin to understand what role it is I had to play in a scheme that apparently is more than one can imagine, or perhaps it was all a sham, but for unknown reasons.

So now, on this 19th day of the 1st moon, 5th YRA, while I sit in the large north cell of the dungeons, I begin to write my tale. Openly and honestly, as there should be nothing to hide. People must understand what happened to me, in order to judge. People deserve to know what happened, especially all those involved. And this I will try to do with this book.

I am ready to take whatever comes for me, for what I did while under Ansuz's influence. While being cursed by his black magic.

For long did I try to study and understand Ansuz. What his purpose was, why he was here, why he tried to make people be angry at him, why he seemed to get stronger from pain, hate and fear.

From the first day we met, he named me Gareth's Daughter, and he spoke vaguely about a prophecy that supposedly was my destiny.
The second time saw him, he recited that prophecy to me, naming me Dark Mistress, telling me that it was my fate, my destiny to become such.

I told him several times that I would never leave the path of light, that I would never embrace and become darkness. That my heart is light and not dark, that I was no blackheart. But he kept calling me dark mistress and child.

I know his prophecy by heart, it cannot be forgotten nor should it. There is more to it, but I have not been lucky enough to find it, and now, I cannot even ask what it is.

And so, with Blackhearts betrayal
a daughter new will take his place
With dreams of light and twisted past
She too will have a heart of black
With her, does come that by which the power was born.

I was curious about him, but never really nervous and not certain if his powers were for real or not.

With time, I got to learn differently.
With time I learned of his powers.

[Calix]

On the 2nd of the 1st moon, 5th YRA, Ansuz approached me in the Main Courtyard. As usual I was wary, but also curious about him.

He greeted me by asking if I had slept well, to which I responded that I nearly always do. We talked about different things, him mentioning that he had been making preparations, but he did not elaborate upon it.

I did taunt him a bit, I must admit, and he suddenly seemed to make a decision, telling me that I had grown to confident in myself. I told him honestly that I had faced my own shadows and I knew them and controlled them. He then said that it was time to do something about it.

He pressed his palm against my cheek and chanted in Eme. Seems like he was testing something, or perhaps it was just to intimidate me.

He then asked me if I trusted him, whereto I answered that I did trust he would not kill me, but that was about it. He then reached and took my dagger from my scabbard. I was wary but not afraid of him. We were alone in the Courtyard at that time.

I know now that I made a mistake, perhaps I am too naive and too trusting at times, but the past cannot be changed.

He then cut his palm deeply while chanting in Eme. I just watched completely confused. Then he wanted me to cut my palm too, and apparently mix my blood with his. I kept asking him why, but he would give me no answer. Squire Pete and Apprentice Destini appeared and the situation got a bit tense. Then apparently Ansuz gave up on having me cut my palm, and instead he named the dagger in Eme, chanting and smeared his blood on my cheek while still chanting. I later learned it was a blood-ritual he made, though to this day still, I feel uncertain about what it is, how chanting in Eme and Ansuz smearing his blood on my cheek could give him control over my mind.

A few days later it all began.

The 5th of the 1st moon, I had my first nightmare.

It must be said, that I have been a Rememberer for several moons, and as Evayne Harper told me at a later time, I was considered among the greatest of the Rememberers ever. I knew how to dream; I knew how to control my dreams. I had done lots of lucid dreaming and even learned a lot about it from Lothiare who haunted the Rememberers with dreams that ended up wounding us. I still today have a faint scar over my right breast to remind me of Lothiare and how we defeated his bad dreams.

But this dream from Ansuz was different. It showed me my greatest fears, the deepest-rooted fear I had. And nothing I could do, none of my training could give me control back of my dream. I was desperate and fearful, for I had never encountered such before.
At the end of the dream, I could do nothing else but begging for Ansuz to stop the dream, to stop the pain and the fear, and he gave it to me.

When I woke up from that sleep, I started seeing images from the dream in my teacup. I was scared, very scared. And no matter what technique or method I tried; I could not regain control over my mind and my dreams. Every time I went to sleep the dream entered, and by time it only took me to close my eyes to begin dreaming.
He did something to me when he cursed me. He had full control of my dreams; I had lost every control over my mind. I could not dream anything but what Ansuz gave me. No more dreaming of dancing among stars. No more dreaming of my loved one. No more dreaming of sun and summer. No dreaming of past lives. Only dreaming the dream that Ansuz had given me.

The day after, while sitting in the Refectory writing on a book, Ansuz surprised me. He knew what I had been dreaming, he knew of the content of the dream and I was shaken. I was scared. The way he just looked at me, being satisfied with was happening. He seemed very pleased by seeing me in the state I was in. Seeing how I trembled. How I had startled when he surprised me by whispering to my ear.

He told me that this was my end, and my beginning, that the Namida who choose not to serve darkness would be no longer; he told me that I would serve darkness as he had always said to me. I did not believe him and I tried to resist his influence.
It must be noted that I had hardly slept since the first dream, as the dream would keep invading my sleep and jarring me awake.

To my fear I discovered that Ansuz all the sudden could control my will. He asked me to step to him, and not wanting to follow his command, I found myself doing it. Luckily for me Sansamor came to the Refectory and he started talking to Ansuz. I do not remember much from the conversation, as I was shaking with fear, I had a hard time focusing on more than one thing at a time.

After some time, Sansamor led me away. I told him of the dream I had had, which included him. He made me face my deepest fear, made it harmless in a very special way, so filled with love and caring. Thereafter he gave me a gold choker to wear, which to me became a symbol of his love and my trust in him. A symbol that I could trust my heart to be true.

Next day I felt even worse. I had not slept for two nights, the nightmare kept invading my sleep, and my visions became worse. There had already been several times where I was convinced the tea in my mug was blood and I saw the reflection from the dream. My eyes had become sunken, my skin paled. I was not well, and I was tired. My defences gradually lowering, and I could do nothing about it.

Once again Ansuz managed to surprise me, this time in the Dining Hall. I was with Dalla and Howe at the time, Howe being a very close friend, whom I sought company with for comfort and help. Dalla was helpful also, helping me to be strong. They knew of Ansuz and what he had done to me, and as he came in, they were a great support to me.

[Calix]

As I do not wish to clutter this board more, please seek me, and others I am sending copies of this testimonial to for further reading.

I can attest to say, I saw this ser named Ansuz cut his hand, place his blood on the cheek of Namida. I can say with an honest and clear heart that I believe that she was distressed about the events that took place. She wrote to no less than 35 people to warn them of what was to come. I know, my hands are still sore for helping her compose such scrolls.

In light of recent criticism I would like to say, I am disheartened to see so many negative replies to her poem that was posted. It has always been my thought that friends stand beside those who matter to them. That they aid them in their darkest hour, not mock, degrade, dismiss, nor ignore their friends, and family. I had thought that their pleas for help, forgiveness, and justice would be heard. I only pray that the friends that I have chosen to make within these Castle walls, would not be so quick to turn their back on me. I pray they stand at my side if I am ever unfortunate enough to find myself in such a dark place.

My thoughts are with you sera Namida, while you suffer through these trials.

Calix Bayle

[Calix]

{retacked}

[Sagen]

I say only how dare ye, ser Calix.

Everyone who speaks of this sudden betrayal by us who were once her friends, I dismiss ye. Ye, who do not know the countless moons of trial she placed us all through. Do not say, we are poor friends indeed who on a whim have so abandoned her. I will speak this but a final time:

She abandoned us. Repeatedly, and without care. It is not lightly that one's own children turn from ye. And yet they have done so, forsaking her name. Why? Because for moons now, she has forsaken them. Ye, ser Calix, so newly awoken, have no right to speak of the countless events that have occured before ye even emerged from thy room. So I will thank ye not to.

Were this to be solely based on this single, imaginary curse by ser Ansuz, I would heartily agree with the protesters. To abandon over such an incident, in her terms, would be ultimately wrong. But for the last time, everyone MUST understand this is NOT an isolated incident. This has occured, without Ansuz's influence, for moons. She became bent on a single quest. A single obsession, for which she was willing to abandon everyone. BETRAY everyone that trusted her. Words she did speak to me in actuallity. Everyone was subserviant to her obsession.

Ser Calix, from what I know of ye, ye are a good ser. And ye probably have not seen any reason to doubt the lies she tells. For this, I blame ye not. Greater than ye have been taken in by her. But do not speak of what ye have not experienced for thyself.

-S

[Calix]

Dear 'S' ~

Good day, to you ser, or sera, I hope that this missive finds you well. I wished to clarify a few things that you may have assumed. I have not spoken of things of which I do not know. I have spoken of things I have seen with my own two eyes, and heard with my own two ears. The rest is entirely objective.

I have offered my opinion, as to say that if I am ever in such a dire circumstance, (for clarification the prisons) I do hope that I would not be received in the same matter as sera Namida's poem was. I gave a clear statement upon how I viewed friendship and family. (Which may or may not reflect my opinion of Namida's friends, though I clearly never have assumed such of them.) These responses were all based upon my thoughts of the responses to a poem that was posted but a few days ago. (This is not reflect the 'countless moons' as you have stated.) If you actually re-read my posting, you will see the words "In light of recent criticism". Recent being the operative word.

I do not wish to argue with anyone about such things, and I hope you do not take my words as such. Surely I cannot even begin to argue, as I have no idea who you are. I have no understanding of your stance on anything, aside a few words written. Instead wish to clarify that I do not assume what I 'do not know'. I never said any, nor listed names of 'poor friends' sera Namida may have if any at all. I never stated any of her friends are in fact actuality poor. I never stated I could attest for a single word she has written. If you would please regard my notes upon the top of this posting, it will echo this.

As for the matter of Ansuz, and 'imaginary curse' as you so eloquently wrote. I shall let the courts decide if he is guilty of such things. I know not. I only can say what I know, which was he indeed placed his hand upon her cheek, while bloodied. Which was written. I also know she was greatly distressed about the action. If it is a curse, or not, I believe only Namida and Ansuz will truly know. As for me, I would rather be cautious with such things, than dismiss them entirely.

I do hope this has helped to clarify a few things, and I hope that the rest of the day shines light upon your path.

~ Calix Bayle

[Briseis]

I think it is extremely tacky to post sera Namida's work on these incidents on the board. The personal statements needed at the end were unneeded as well. Who are you to make a call on someone's personal relationships? You barely know them or their family.

But then, you're a Chronicler - I've not yet found one who doesn't stick their nose where it doesn't belong.

-Briseis

[Twulf]

I would say the same for you, Briseis, consider the fact that you actually responded to this post seems to lead me to believe that you too stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, then again, I'm replying to your post as well...and I'll admit it, I'm nosey.

~Twulf~

[Gareth]

[Upon this scroll is drawn a picture of a rainbow above four most happy persons.

There is a letter 'X' drawn in the middle top.

Ten golden goblets sit upon the rainbow.

Beneath, facing away from the viewer, is an adult couple. The man in orange, and the woman in blue and wine-colored clothing, raise their arms in praise of the rainbow above them.

Beside them a boy in gold and a girl in a blue dress dance in a carefree circle hand in hand.

They stand upon a field of light soil. Behind them a green field is dotted with trees and low hills. A blue pond stands placidly, and a red-roofed cottage is nestled among the trees.

The work is entitled "Ten of Cups"

It is unsigned]

[Corian]

Ser Sagen,

Know this.

I see starkly you are no friend to my family nor to me, this is clear from your above-stated views on my dear sister Namida, and your willful mischaracterization of her recent experience.

That is all.

[Rikka]

And I see you don't know everything to what lead up to the situation.


~Rikka~

[Dionar]

Again, I see the same people continuing to harass sera Namida when at this time she is at her lowest.

Stop kicking her now that she is down.

There is a saying from my previous life that comes to mind now..

Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones.

[Sirias]

I rarely gaze upon these boards at all.. but it has been some time since I have seen or heard of my good friend, Namida and I hoped word might have been found here.. so much I have found... and now I see that she is indeed in dire need when even those who are dear to her would speak against her.

I know that many times Namida came to me in tears.. begging for rest and solace...She hid in my room to avoid Ansuz and those who would criticize her.. and I stayed with her and tried to help her stay strong. I say shame to those who would call themselves her friend who would not stand by her side after all she has been through.

I know that Namida was controlled by some evil bewitchment... I watched it tear her apart and drag her into shadows and it tore my heart to see her so ...falling into shadows against her will. I know Namida's heart is good and any ill she has done was against her will. I will stand by her no matter what, for I know her heart. Any who truly cares for her would do the same.

For love of a dear friend,

[Sorcha]

sera Briseis;

You might do well to remember that the Office of the Chroniclers is ordained by Her Majesty, Queen Vivienne, under the direction of the Lord Chamberlain. As such, not our noses but the authority of our office decrees our whereabouts; and bound we are to record unto posterity those events that transpire within these fair halls, for better or for worse, even unto death, without consideration for idle opinion or common regard.

And do take some care with your observations of noses wedged in embarrasingly inappropriate places. One certainly would not wish that as much could be compared to the pot calling the kettle...

brown.


With notable regard,

Sorcha
Chronicler of the Court