#11, 12: Looking for Love

[Kwil]

Quick question:

If, by your article, we're not supposed to get involved OOC, then what in the world does it matter if the person behind your partner's character lies or not?

Heck, if they're a good role-player, they probably ARE lying (that's what role-playing is after all, creative lying) and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that - *IF* you're in the game to play the game and not looking for OOC romance.

And if you're looking for OOC romance online in the first place, well then.. there's other things that need to be dealt with.

I guess what I'm getting at here is decide your thesis. Either we keep ourselves separate from our character, in which case the truth behind the other person doesn't matter - since it's the character we're getting involved with, not the person. Or we don't keep ourselves separate from our character - in which case the advice to stay detached is nonsensical.

I think a better thesis would have been: Decide what you're looking for and know what you'll likely find.

[Prometheus]

Kwil writes:

If, by your article, we're not supposed to get involved OOC, then what in the world does it matter if the person behind your partner's character lies or not?


The point of the article, ultimately, is that if you want your character to have a successful online romance, you shouldn't get involved OOCly with the player behind your partner. That, however, doesn't mean it does not happen; it happens more often than not. Hence the article strives to show some horror stories and common misconceptions.

There's no easy way to write a hard and fast thesis (for me at least). Good roleplayers get attached to their characters--it's what brings them to life. The line is not solid or even perceptible to most as to when you're getting too attached. Thus the apparent grayness of the thesis. Your point, however, is well taken; I'll strive to be clearer in the future.

--Scott

[Ra'Dorcha]

Originally posted by Prometheus
The point of the article, ultimately, is that if you want your character to have a successful online romance, you shouldn't get involved OOCly with the player behind your partner.

First, what if you want to have an unsuccessful romance? It is okay to lose. But that wasn't the point of your article. You were warning about getting too OOC attached to someone (your or another character).

I'm curious, since it wasn't mentioned, if it is best to be sure the other person is not getting OOC involved. And if so, at what point you should sit in a private room and say, "I'm a 78 year old gay man who has been happily married to another man for 50 years." - well as an example, don't know anyone in that situation, just taking an extreme.

Maybe I'm just being sensitive of the other person's feelings, worried they would think the relationship was real (which it is to some extent, but only between the characters) and be devistated when the relationship ended.

just some idle musings
Ra'

[Prometheus]

First, what if you want to have an unsuccessful romance? It is okay to lose. But that wasn't the point of your article. You were warning about getting too OOC attached to someone (your or another character).

A "successful romance" means "obtain desired results from the IC roleplaying of the romance", not "one which results in a positive IC outcome". Though that's not clear in the initial article, it'll be one of the things in the second one in the series.

I'm curious, since it wasn't mentioned, if it is best to be sure the other person is not getting OOC involved. And if so, at what point you should sit in a private room and say, "I'm a 78 year old gay man who has been happily married to another man for 50 years." - well as an example, don't know anyone in that situation, just taking an extreme.

An omission I should have put in the first article, but I'll cover it in the second. OOC conversation is inevitable in an intimate roleplaying situation such as a romance; my advice is, up-front explanations are usually for the better. Though I go into some detail about a lack of trust, honesty is often the best policy; if your partner knows that the hot babe he's romancing is really a married gay man (in your example) the odds of OOC involvement decrease. If you'd rather not reveal personal information to another player on the game, it's perfectly okay to ask if the situation is getting too OOC overwhelming for your partner--or bring it up if it is for yourself.