No announcement yet.

Funny Scrolls of Marrach

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • You read your scroll.
    It is addressed to Dryden.
    It says:

    [There are four boxes drawn on the page. In each square there is a sequence of events, poorly but clearly drawn. In the first square you see a catapult-like structure with a fluffy sort of bird standing beside it. Inside the catapult a grumpy rodent-like creature has been bound. The bird has in its hand a lit piece of parchment and grins out from the page in a wicked sort of way.

    The second box shows the bird lighting the rodent on fire. The rodent's eyes bulge twice as big as its head has been drawn.

    The third box shows the bird pulling the lever on the catapult, breezy lines following the rodent as it is flung through the air, still aflame.

    The fourth box depicts the rodent smashed into the side of a wall, the smoke of the recently doused fire squiggling away from its body.]
    It is unsigned.

    For some reason... I had Dryden's scroll. But this had me giggling.
    Officially one-handed man previously convicted of Plundering, Mugging and Attmpted Murder ~ Sidd.


    • Just a typical scroll check...


      It is addressed to Dryden.

      It says:

      Good Provost,

      I write you with a very strange tale. Today I was standing in the Outer Bailey courtyard when a newly awoken named Brooke entered. She was accompanied by a cloaked man. Shocked I asked the man exactly what he intended to do with the newly awoken and she interrupted stating that this man was her lover. I demanded to know what she was up to, and called over a Sentryman to investigate the pair. It was at this time the cloaked man pulled off his cloak and revealed himself to be a nobleman. I instantly started to bow and respect the nobleman and apologized to the newly awoken but got chided by the Lord who reminded me "You can never judge a Brooke by her Lover."

      ~ A!

      It is unsigned.


      It is addressed to Dryden.

      It says:

      Why did the ear cross the road?

      Because it went on ahead!

      It is unsigned.


      It is addressed to Dryden.

      It says:

      Knock knock?

      Who's there?


      Cows who?

      Nooo Cows moo. Owl's hoo!

      It is unsigned.


      Ahhhhhhhh, <3.


      • Quilp is just awesome and here's why:

        It is addressed to Wilena.
        It says:


        So you're telling me, not only did you write me for someone, you were writing me for someone else on SOMEONE ELSES behalf?

        The line went like:

        Man-Who-Can't-Write (Idjit for short)

        Instead of:


        Who didn't have the balls to write to me first?

        It is signed by Quilp.


        • It is addressed to Cordelia.
          It says:

          Miss Cordelia;

          In all honesty, I thought most everyone knew what jabbing means.

          But jabbing is the act of thrusting an object forth and into. So in other words, Falke thrust his club into my gut.

          Or, Falke pushed his club into my gut in a painful manner.

          Or, Falke shoved his club into my gut with the intention of giving me a bruise which I can show you.

          Or even, Falke roughly poked my belly with his club while aiming for my gut and did it with enough force to leave a bruise.

          It is signed by Drewe.

          Head of Lady Sinvy's House
          Patron of the Courtesy Circle
          Royal Seamstress of the Clothiers


          • It is addressed to Elesin.
            It says:

            Penned this tenth eve of the third moon, thirteenth year of recent awakenings

            Good Sir Knight,

            I have hope this finds you in good health and spirits. Your performance at the last pie eating tournament was truly inspiring and the Gallantry with which you aided Dame Rumplyknickers' in her own bout by stuffing her pie square in her face should serve as example in the annals of the keep for several lifetimes.

            As a result, I have become greatly interested in the House of the Dangle, and wish for us to become better acquainted. Do kindly let my secretary, sera Moobywhatsits, know of your waking times, so that we may meet for tea.

            I shall not serve any pie, as I can only assume you to have gone off it after the fourty-six bouts.

            With kindest regards,
            Lady Tatamaha Bojanga
            Peer of the Court of Whosowosi
            Royal Fluffer of Pillows

            It is signed by Maelle.

            Head of Lady Sinvy's House
            Patron of the Courtesy Circle
            Royal Seamstress of the Clothiers


            • It is addressed to Britta.
              It says:

              Britta you are apoopy headed doo-doo head...
              It is signed by Yaoi.

              It is addressed to Viceran.
              It says:

              Dear Britta,

              Thankyou for your missive. It is gratifying to hear that one who has always worn clothes with such style is willing to show others how well they can dress within the guidelines. I will look forward to you bringing your silks and laces and stockings etc back to me so that they can be exchanged for more appropriate clothing. When that happy event occurs, I will be sure to instruct the seamstresses to assist you in obtaining new outfits and see that you are removed from the banned list

              While not funny, just seemed odd it was addressed to Viceran?

              It is addressed to Britta.
              It says:

              finally met up with C tonight; evidently my name was on a scroll found... written by a group to corbin, who agreed to 'take care of' me, faruq, darvius, and gareth, at the least - maybe more.
              the deal with last night was totally unknown to him; we're both excited.. and i got my item back from R, too.
              I visited the seamstresses, we're both banned from seamstresses and tailors for 'Cruelty to seamstresses'... go figure. The one VERY interesting thing about that deal is, Sara's not the top of the food chain....
              and actually, the only REAL thing we lose access to by her is gloves; she's the primary glover *eyeroll* I had no idea Isaria was at the top near Ermengarde - I'll be smoothtalking her soon enough.
              Love you forever,
              It is signed, "The PITA", by Skout.

              It is addressed to Britta.
              It says:

              ooc - take me off blocking this instant
              It is signed, "***", by *****.

              It is addressed to Twulf.
              It says:
              Your loves will be slaughtered...already some have been hurt badly. Your dreams will become non-existant. You will cry yourself to sleep for lack of any better way. You will scream to your useless Gods and to your useless Queen for mercy on your soul and body. You will be ripped to shreds, your innards displayed for all to see. Your head will be mounted in the Duelist's Hall. Your eyes will be cooked and fed to the rats. Your skin will be carved into a cloak and boots for the worst and the finest of Denizens to auction on. Your hair will be shaved and used for the cats to play with.


              • OOC -- You say, "Day-Roo-Peh? sort of like that pronunciation?"
                OOC -- Derupe says, "nah.. duh roop"
                OOC -- Harabec says, " on fire"
                Ser Kobe
                Junior Equerry to Lord Vestio
                Battler Teacher
                Mummer for the Unity of the Arts

                Linguistics Project Assembly Teacher


                • > You read your scroll.

                  It is addressed to Priam.
                  It says:


                  I advised ser Drakedale that he should not be dressed as a woman in public, as he is not a woman. He responded that "it was time for a change", and resumed dancing and carousing.

                  Priam: You know what's a bad idea?
                  Kyramor: Not usually


                  • It says:

                    Smell this scroll.

                    Flip it over.


                    [On the backside of this scroll you see the sketch of a nose behind bars.]

                    I got your nose.
                    It is signed by Donovon.

                    Head of Lady Sinvy's House
                    Patron of the Courtesy Circle
                    Royal Seamstress of the Clothiers


                    • Dear Armswoman Juliee,

                      It has come to my attention that I seem to spend a fair amount of time in the cells, after great consideration I have come up with an idea that I believe could be beneficial to us both.

                      I believe a watch social could be held in the cells to welcome me to my home away from home, including cell-warming gifts and some food and drinks.

                      This could provide a good introduction to the watch for newly awoken and appeals to all forms of people high and low alike.

                      We could involve other guilds such as the carpenters to create furniture for my new home and the clothiers to create tapastries, perhaps depicting the valiant arrest made by watch members.

                      Please do let me know what you think.

                      It is unsigned.


                      • Maybe its a repost, but I've gone over my folder and came up with this:

                        You read the topic 'carella cackle':

                        A scroll. From Carella to Tristana:

                        Suspended from Heraldry, bwahahahahahaha

                        and this:

                        You read the topic 'weird kyle order':

                        A scroll. From Kyle to Tristana:

                        This is an order for 2 folders and 1 slave for kyle. The folders dont need to be of exceptional quality, perhaps pasteboard or paper, though they do need to be different colors. I would like the slave to be of the humanskin variety and dyed orange. Thank you.

                        You read the topic 'carella on drugs':

                        A scroll. From Carella to Tristana, signed "And remember...trumpet's the word.":

                        I've got the stuff for you..keep it on the hush hush.

                        Take care number 9,

                        The ship sails tomorrow at four.

                        You read the topic 'carellas crap scroll':

                        A scroll. From Carella to Tristana, signed "Love you":

                        You know what pisses me off? No? Then I shall list.

                        Firstly, The Office Of Royal Orders..crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.

                        Men. Crap crap crap crap crap

                        People knowing my business. Crap crap crap crap crap.

                        People knowing more about the Mentors (MY GROUP) than me. crap crap crap crap crap.

                        People thinking they know more about the Mentors (And need I add MY GROUP) than me, when they actually don't. crap crap crap crap crap.

                        People knowing the Mentors and Awakeners are merging when I wanted it to be kept a secret. crap crap crap crap crap.

                        People controlling MY GROUP when I am not around. crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.

                        People who use up all of my time by asking me to make them clothes then running off with my only god damn case. crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.


                        You read the topic 'i loot rolls':

                        A scroll. To Tristana:

                        Find the three that have the scrolls and use the clues to point to me.

                        Mistress Tristana

                        Member of Her Majesty's Court
                        Aide for the Healers
                        Patron of the Embinders
                        Aide of the Chambers