Chronicle: I tried. And I failed ... sorta.

[Aislinn]

Ninth month, thirteenth day
Year Six of the Recent Awakenings


I tried. And I failed ... sorta.

(For the good Denizenry ... blah blah blah ... yada yada yada ... )

I tried (to come back). And I failed ... sorta. But in failing I still enjoyed myself quite a bit.

I need to say so long and fare well again to this frigid Marrachian coast of Dreams and Suspended Time. I think that, in reactivating my account and reinvigorating my CM Self, I expected my level of play to parallel my involvement of years past; unfortunately, I was unable to do that. Something in me has changed since I started playing this game as a frivolous 18 year-old girl. When I first started out (as that selfsame girl), I could play with out thinking of anything else and do so for hours. Marrach, to a high school graduate on the cusp of so many life changes, and in the grip of so many of her own personal tragedies, was more than a game: it was a release and an ironclad handhold on something in a life fraught with change and turbulence.

I suppose I should have had better values, and much better priorities; however, Marrach continued to persist and occupied a part of my mind that may have otherwise turned to darker and even less healthy (because, as well all know, Marrach in such high doses can't be that good for you) devices.

What I'm trying to say is my life has turned a corner. I'm worrying about things I couldn't have fathomed when I CMed in my hayday. "Way back when," I dare say I didn't have a care in the world. But with the bad I'm taking the good, and living the life of an adult now (and not the life of that 18 year-old woman-child). I’m taking stock of so many of my other adult peers who make time to play this game successfully and contribute so much to it (Age, Darby, Stacy/Diana -- to illustrate), and wish I could master this great Balancing Act as artfully as they … but, as the players of Emerick and Darcy could attest, I’ve failed there too. Being gone for weeks at a time and constantly playing the “catch up” game when your favorite main is one who SHOULD by all rights be on top of her style and the news at all times is not an enjoyable process.

I used to dream of chronicling when I was away from Marrach. The game was its most enjoyable and exciting for me when Aislinn found her niche with Sorcha, Astana, and Angron (you tramp, you) in the rafters of the Clocktower. Then I was truly hooked. It seemed like I drifted for so long with out much seriousness going into the game … AND THEN … I met Sorcha.

You and your character are beauty personified, my dear.

I have enjoyed so many rewarding and enlightening relationships cultivated through the wastes of Marrachian webspace, and for that I need to thank the Skotosian Gods. I need to thank the players and staff of 2000 and 2001 who put so much of their time and effort into this icy passion play to make it what it was when it ensnared me that fateful early summer day of ‘01. I need to thank Lydia and Elsie for giving my character social depth and warmth where before she had little use for friends, and being my friend as well. I need to thank Carrie and Faith for the same, and never ceasing to inspire me. I need to thank SC Lichdar for playing with me (and mine) in the Necromantic Workshop and showing me that S*s are real people too. I need to thank Drahkkil, Xevious, Duren (I almost forgot the Original Badass), Atreyu, Mayakovsky, Twulf, Alkaizer (that‘s as chronological my “ser list“ is going to get), and any other “ser” who helped justify Aislinn’s “smouldering” gaze -- you made her fun where she was just “business”. I need to thank Mayakovsky and Mike for always stealing my breath away. I need to thank Sorcha for dominating leather clad when Ais needed it, for enrapturing her when all looked lost; thank you Lisbeth for just being you -- we’ll chat later, I pray. I need to thank Ravelyn and Carmen for spurning me to parser greatness (I’m still using the mouse pad given for 2003’s Marrach Awards ‘Most Creative Parser Use’) and for being the unwavering, uncompromising, unquestionable You. I need to thank the player of Alacia (in that skin and out of it) for being the voice of reason, for redefining sensuality, and drying my tears. I need to thank Alkaizer, Dolph and Frell for being “the good guys”. I need to thank Illiana for always helping and hugging (IC and OOC), from start to finish. I need to thank Pete for his honest feedback and advice when I nagged him. I need to thank the Carebears for being something I could rebel against, years ago. [… toothy grin …]

Thank you Chroniclers past and present. You made it all worthwhile. For me, this game wouldn’t have been much of anything but a shortlived, feeble distraction with out its Chroniclers. As a Chronicler I encountered my most rewarding RP situations and undoubtedly the most action for a character who was not martially inclined. Through the secrecy and intrigue of the Clocktower I was able to truly develop the little lady I am now loath to abandon again to dust and disuse.

I see myself posting infrequently on the boards in random threads (to deflect any of Dariel‘s further flack about posting when you say you‘re leaving), but I don’t see myself coming back any time soon, and this is not for any reason for which I would blame someone. I had a very enriching experience with the NEW and IMPROVED Chroniclers, but found I couldn’t devote as much of my time to them as they needed. It isn’t fair to just keep saying, “I’m gone, but I’ll be back … just hang onto my pin for me, okay?” The allure of Mount Ardan is undeniably strong, so I can’t say I won’t be back (a quote I could credit to Skout comes to mind: “They may quit, but they always come back” or something to that affect), but for now it’ll be indefinite.

Meh. This is only so long because I have so many good memories of Marrach, have met so many good people. It’s hard to talk myself into saying goodbye, and it’s even harder to actually do it.

So with that, I sign off (again).

[salutes!]

Jess/Aislinn/other assorted characters

aim :: breathingshe
msn :: jstorsved(at)hotmail(dot)com
email :: jstorsved(at)wi(dot)rr(dot)com
lj :: she_breathes



Chronicle XLIV.2

[Ria]

I had such a hard time as a Chronicler. They were practically dead when I joined and I worked hard to rebuild them. I could never ever be Sorcha, or part of the Old Chroniclers. I never had that ability, and I did as much as I could to bring blood in, and make those who were in the office feel special.

It means so much to hear that you, the person I modeled my writings over and looked to for advice, consider what I did to have made the chroniclers new and improved. I always felt inferior, like I wasn't able to do a good job, that I was but a pale imitation of success. Logically I knew that being able to attract seven people to an office like the Chroniclers can only be success...the current state of the Chroniclers also logically shows I made some difference. But in my heart, I never felt good enough...your post really makes a difference. You are truly a precious person and the world we exist in, this fantasy place, could learn a lot about storytelling by observing you. Staff included.

It also makes me happy to know that I wasn't off my rocker regarding some of the issues, and I will forever be grateful to you for your friendship and your example to me.

I know how hard it is to stop writing. I miss it. But I couldn't continue - real life and other issues -- and I have no reserve about saying I am glad you are making the right choice for you.

Be well, prosper, and all that..do not be a stranger.

[Emerick]

HELP! *is buried under the chronicler archives*

Well, what can I say? You will be missed as Aislinn's company was one thing that made that cold, unforgiving clock tower a lot warmer to be in. I don't blame you for leaving or hold it against you, rather congratulate you on choosing what's important in your life and going with it. I feel I can somewhat relate to what you're going through, and I do hope you one day return to the castle. Who knows? Maybe you'll be one of those "adults" you mentioned (Hah! Like those exist, really)... but of course, that's a silly notion as you've already contributed enough to make a lasting impression on a lot of us.

I'll certainly miss all the whispering and plotting and talking behind everyone's backs. Aislinn was without a doubt one of my favorite characters, and now it looks like Emerick will have to declare his undying love to someone else (Hah! Just kidding! ... or am I?!).

Do take care of yourself, and good luck with everything!

[LadyDark]

You and Sorcha (and Sagremor) were the driving forces that made me stick with the game as long as I did. I'll never forget researching naughty things and interviewing people; I loved all the time I spent in the Clocktower with you and Sorcha, as well as doing work for the Chroniclers.

Your playing style was what spurred me to improve mine beyond that of the barely adept newly. You inspired greatness because you embodied greatness.

Good luck in all that you encounter, and stay strong!

And of course, stay in touch, Jessibear, to steal Rory's nick-name for you. =P

JEN

[Dark Xia]

So long, farewell...

Eh that tune suddenly came to mind. Well good luck to ya in whatever you're going to set out to do now.

Mhh, Eth needs to write a poem about "Aislinn the informed, and her insatiable lust for knowledge."

-Ethra's player